For many, the arrival of grandchildren is a source of immense happiness, bringing a new wave of energy and love into their lives. However, as the demands of modern life grow more complex, grandparents often find themselves stepping into roles that go beyond occasional babysitting, sometimes to the detriment of their own well-being. And this is exactly what's happening in today's story.
She explained what happened.
My son and DIL have been married for around 7 years at this point. They have two kids. All of my children are out of the home and living their lives. My husband and I are still working and will probably retire in 10–15 years. Around 70.
My DIL and I got along much better before the kids came into the picture. They live 30 minutes away, and she is always trying to drop them off. I thought my son was in on this, but no. I sat them down, and he had no idea this was happening.
I showed the many texts asking for me to babysit, and he was under the impression that I have only babysat twice this month, not 16 times. Apparently, she has been dropping them off with me to hang out with people, and my son was under the impression she was taking them with her.
I started to communicate in a group chat with them, so everyone was on the same page. I only respond to her in the group chat and if she starts to spam me with texts about it, I throw a screenshot in the group chat and have my son deal with it.
We have talked, and it comes down to her wanting her kids to have the same relationship she had with her grandparents. In short, I explained that I was still working and I would not have that relationship. That I can’t have the kids every other day, just like she had growing up. We agreed to every two weeks to have a grandma's day.
All good for about a year, my son is now traveling for work, and she is at it again. The time difference makes it hard to have him shut it down when it happens.
I was home for about an hour when she showed up at my home. She wanted me to babysit when she went shopping. I had enough at this point. I told her that I had my own life, that I would not be the cookie-cutter grandma she wanted, and if she tried to leave the kids with me from now on without my agreement I would call the police for abandonment.
She called me a jerk and stormed off. My son called trying to smooth it over and saying I may have gone too far.
People stood onher side.
- "That's nice she had that kind of relationship with her grandparents, but absolutely nothing entitles her to force it on you. Good job on the boundaries." achippedmugofchai / Reddit
- "I’m concerned she kept the many times she dropped them off with you a secret from her husband. It would get me wondering if there was a bad reason for that. It could be something as simple as being overwhelmed with motherhood and responsibility. But whatever it is, she is being excessive with her demands on you." musixlife / Reddit
- "I get the impression it's less about having a relationship with Grandma and more about a free babysitter she can dump her kids on whenever it's convenient to her." wickybasket / Reddit
Ilonka Wimmer-Ljungqvist
5 hours ago
His wife probably has a sidekick that she meets when her husband is not at home.
She probably thinks that she is bored and has acquired "other interests" and then the kids are a nuisance to have with her on the date with another man... I think she is cheating on her husband.
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Reply
- "This isn't about the kids at all. She is using you for free babysitting so she doesn't have to parent. She is abandoning her children." candycoatedcoward / Reddit
- "Totally fair for setting your boundaries. Your son not knowing the extent of the babysitting at first and having to enforce it through a strict group chat policy is a warning sign that they are not communicating well." rubarb_knight / Reddit
- "Get a ring doorbell and don't answer the door. Use it to greet her and the kids, then tell them you aren't available, and you'll see them on the next preplanned day together. Your DIL is obviously struggling with being a mother. I hope she gets some mental health support. She needs it." EnvironmentalLuck515 / Reddit
- "When you get to the point that you have to threaten somebody with the police, they need to ask themselves what’s wrong with their behavior, not the other way around." Recent_Body_5784 / Reddit
- "I had a great relationship with all of my grandparents, but the difference between my relationship with them and the relationship that my kids have with my parents is that most grandparents now still have to work. Both of my grandfathers were able to retire in their late 50s, so it was a lot easier to look after kids when you also didn’t have to work a full-time job." plumbus_hun / Reddit
- "Where are her parents? Why doesn't she take the kids to her own mother?" ddhudson2002 / Reddit
In the journey of balancing familial love and personal well-being, the story of a grandmother overwhelmed by the unceasing demands of caring for her grandchildren sheds light on a common yet often unspoken struggle. As she navigates the complexities of setting boundaries with her daughter-in-law, this grandmother needs to learn the vital importance of self-care and open communication within the family.
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